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Post by Alexander Root on Jan 26, 2016 0:29:58 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"]  Science is the Poetry of Reality It had been days. Somehow, Root had managed it. This was right about how long he'd stayed up in the past, though usually he had a full wall of papers and equations to study. Of course, he tried to recreate that wall in places, but it was too crowded, and he needed to find more private space so he wouldn't be interrupted while he was working. No, he had managed to stay up by sheer will, and the fact he'd used his fear of water as an escape. But… there didn't seem to be an end in sight. He'd have to continue to stay awake. Root was stumbling through the park, the new section of the park this time and eventually had collapsed on the side of the walkway, against a wall, looking out. Oh how it would be so easy to just sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sure, it meant death, but this was torture. His eyes were drooping down. Could he really keep…?
"You have to keep on living, Alex."
Root's eyes shot all the way open and he looked around. Next to him… no. It wasn't. He shook his head to try to get the image out of his head. But when he opened his eyes again, there she was. His mother. Alive. Next to him. Repeating the same words she had last said to him.
"You're going to make me proud. You're going to be the best scientist out there. You're going to change the world. Do that. Do that for me, Alex."
"M-Mom?" No, no this wasn't… logical at all. It couldn't be, but were his eyes really lying to him? Could she…? No. She was dead. "How are you here?"
"I'm always with you, Alex."
Wow. That was cheesy. He reached out to touch her, and it felt real. Or maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, but at this point he didn't care. He was smiling like a mad man. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight to him as tears began to fall down his face.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He was so happy to see her, the sad memories that never left him coming to the forefront of his mind. "Is Wendy alright?"
"It's going to be alright, Alex." The way she said his name sent warmth shooting right to that dried old crusty organ of feeling people called a heart. Well, it was probably not dried, old, or crusty, but he wanted everyone to think that it was, well… except for Mariko, but even then… he didn't want her to know what he felt either.
"I've got… I've got to find her. Will you stay with me?" Root stood up and offered his hand to the black haired woman of a hallucination in front of him.
"Always, peanut."
Root laughed at the name, the one she would call him when he was younger and hugged her again. It didn't matter if this was a hallucination, even though it really didn't feel like it, even if it weren't logical in any sense, since he knew that she was dead, and gone forever. There was one place that Wendy would be if she were here in Monoworld like his mom was: the theater. He was smiling like a giddy idiot with a hallucination walking right by him, who he couldn't stop looking at, flashing between where he was walking (slightly stumbling) and to the hallucination of his mother.
When he reached the theater, he looked around but he could find her. Root frowned and looked at his mom. "Maybe we should wait," Root said with a nod. Yes. She would show up, he was sure. And in the meantime he could talk with his mother.
"How are you here? Oh, okay. Ummm… are you… happy? Yeah, I'm pretty happy. I mean, I have Wendy, once I get out of here. Girls? Well, er…"
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Post by Willow Fey on Jan 26, 2016 22:14:05 GMT -5
The movie theatre. He had to get there. Why? Willow had forgotten but it felt comfortable there. Safe. Maybe if he was to die it would at least be in peace.
Idiot. Couldn't give up now. What the hell would Rose say?, "Don't you die on me motherfucker. You still owe me for all the shit I got you through." Yeah, something like that. Now where was he supposed to be? Ah yes the movie theatre. It was slow going, his legs felt like rubber, probably because he just woke up. Didn't he? It had to be morning, but he couldn't remember falling to sleep. Now why was he going to go to the theatre.
Ah yes. To meet Karen. They were going to go to the cheesiest looking movie they could find and make fun of it all the way through. A real MST3k experience. It was Saturday and they were going to the Hennepin theatre and last night he had made love with Riley and hugged it out with Rose and everything was right in the world.
Snap out of it. He was in Monoworld, being held captive. Riley and him had broken up. Karen and him had seen that movie. Rose had argued with him later that night. Willow was having flashbacks and that was concerning. Sleep deprivation was getting to him. He blinked a couple times and slapped himself hard and trudged forward. He had to keep moving. Stopping meant death.
Where was he going again? Theatre. But why? He couldn't go out like this. He was so scared. What would others think? Then his mother's words of encouragement washed over him like a warm blanket and he kept moving. Willow could be exactly anyone he liked. Being strange and different were ok, as long as you believe in yourself, you could be stronger then anything or anyone's cruelty.
Focus Willow. You are regressing to childhood for godssake. That was years and years ago before you were anyone. When you were weak and struggling just to survive. Now you are strong and have things to live for and...
Victor. Victor was gone and it was all his fault. Everything was his fault. Why did he leave him? Oh god why? Why did he have to suggest playing that stupid game? Victor always hated it because Willow always won and he hated the woods. It was late fall and it was so cold and Victor had to be scared and alone or worse and it was all his fault. Allhisfaultallhisfaultallhisfault. He couldn't even breathe. Allhisfaultallhisfaultallhisfault.
Wipe away those damn tears. You were a kid and it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been. You changed. You grew up. It wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been.
He was in Monoworld and those old memories couldn't hurt him anymore. He was alive. Everyone that mattered here was alive. His friends and family still had a chance of being alive. None of it was his fault.
A man in a lab coat. He was that guy. The one that hung around with the pretty boy in the hoodie. No, she was a girl, a director. And the Scientist was...Root. Root of all evil. Root of the problem. Trees had roots. Willows had roots. Funny. Ha ha ha.
"Hey there Root. How's it going? I came here for some reason...I can't recall why. You doing alright? Why are you here? Any documentaries showing? You know your kind of cute in a greasy, scruffy, scientist sorta way." Willow said, keeping himself propped up mostly through willpower and the assistance of a nearby wall.
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Post by Alexander Root on Jan 26, 2016 23:21:20 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality "Oh, so there is someone?"
Root was probably blushing at this point, he couldn’t tell, but his face was hot and he wanted to just turn away to hide it (was this how Mariko felt all the time?), but instead he kept looking at his mother, because he was afraid if he looked away she would disappear again and leave him all alone. And right now, he needed her more than ever. She had to keep him sane (ironic that he image that proved his insanity was keeping him sane) or else he'd lose his mind and probably end up dying. And… it was nice to finally spend time with her, even if she wasn't real, and was all in his head. He'd seen visions of people before, so this time wasn't that much different… except for the fact that he was pretty sure that she was real because his mind wasn't working quite right.
"Hey there Root. How's it going? I came here for some reason...I can't recall why. You doing alright? Why are you here? Any documentaries showing? You know your kind of cute in a greasy, scruffy, scientist sorta way."
Root turned to the side and saw Willow coming into theater and he grinned. However, when he caught sight of his mom's expression, his expression hardened as well. No, no, no. He knew that face. He knew when she thought she knew something, and she had it all wrong. "It's not – " Root began, but she cut him off with a hug.
"Oh Alex! It's him, isn't it? He's a handsome young man. Oh, but what will your father think? No wonder you're trying to keep it a secret. Don't worry I won't tell him. I've kept it a secret for years already, after all."
Root stared at his mom for a moment before looking up at Willow then back at his mom. "What? No, I'm not gay." He said it as if he took offense to the statement.
"You don't have to hide it. Especially don't say it in front of your boyfriend."
Root stared at his mom with his mouth wide open. He shook his head and decided he would explain to her better when they were alone again, as he couldn’t do it in front of Willow, because then Willow would think he's crazy, if he didn't already. Of course, he was insane, especially in his current state, but that wasn't the point. He rather not people know that he was not in the right state of mind right now.
"We'll talk about it later, Mom," Root whispered to the hallucination before standing up and turning towards Willow to address him fully. He cleared his throat and pulled on the lapels of his jacket while his mother was off to the side swooning over her son and his boyfriend. That would definitely be cleared up later.
"Hmph. I'm just fine. Why? Do I seem in bad health? I'm perfectly fine, haha!" Root jumped over the seat he was sitting in and walked up a bit closer to Willow with a grin on his face. "I'm here for 'its none of your business'." Then Root leaned back, aiming for leaning against the back of the chair and striking a cool pose, only ending up missing the back of the chair and falling to his butt. "Ow." Root jumped back up. "I meant to do that." That was a lie, but whatever. "You don't have to lie to me, I know I don’t look great. You always look good. How do you do it? Do you think you could make me look good too?"
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Post by Willow Fey on Jan 27, 2016 0:22:00 GMT -5
Interesting. Root seemed to be talking to someone that wasn't really there. Or maybe just himself. Willow talked to himself sometimes. Mostly when he was alone though. Still scientists are supposed to be eccentric. They said so in all the movies, and hey he was in a theatre.
"Don't worry Root. I am not gay either. Bi actually. If you are curious you can always come to me. People usually do because I am so pretty." Willow said and began to laugh. It was oddly distorted due to lack of sleep.
"I am not really lying though. That look is pretty popular among certain types of people. You should make youtube videos explaining science, the fangirls would love you. Call themselves "Rooties" or something. I don't know I am too tired to think up a clever name. " Willow said scratching the back of his neck.
"It's all a matter of what type of look you are going for. Not everyone can pull off the Willow patented, "Vaguely effeminate pretty boy" look I've got. You need some more clothes to appeal to your rugged, obsessed, science nerd mystique. Long coats like your lab coat work. I would invest in lots of jackets and a few trench coats. Also you should probably wash more. Other then that you appeal to a lot of girls and boys, so just do you. "
"As for how I do it well...I spent my entire life surrounded by girls. Mother, Sister, more then half my friends. Picking up this stuff was sort of osmosis or whatever. Made more sense to me then kicking a ball around anyway. Plus I sorta had to be able to become anybody. " Willow finished and suddenly looked a bit melancholic.
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Post by Alexander Root on Jan 27, 2016 17:37:04 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality Oh. He wasn't gay either. Root looked back at his mom in that instant with a 'told you so' look, before realizing what Willow had said immediately after that. His mom looked back at him with a 'aw so cute, don't let me get between you two lovebirds' sort of look. Root internally groaned and looked back towards Willow.
"Uh thank you for your offer, but no thank you. I'm quite sure of my own sexuality. I think." No matter what his hallucination of a mom thought. Though, really, he hadn't thought much of the fact of love or feelings or… the physical manifestation of attraction between two people, as he was much more caught up in his work. Well, at least until those feelings had caught a hold of him in this park, even if he had a hard time admitting them to even himself.
"I don't care about 'Rooties'," Root insisted, though he vaguely wondered what sorts of people that would contain, "I don't want stupid little girls crawling on me and wanting my autograph and… and distracting me from my work." Wait. What were they talking about? Oh right. He was asking Willow for advice. Because everyone seemed to think he was cute. He seemed like the right sort of guy who would know more about it.
"Do you really think the jackets and… uh, coats would do it? I mean, would it make me look… cooler?" It was a wonder why he really cared at this point on how to look better, when he was always concerned about not changing himself for the acceptance of others, but well, as always, even when he was driven mad with sleep deprivation, he had a purpose.
Huh. That was weird to Root. The fact that Willow was able to pick up that stuff through an osmosis-like process when applied to the environment one grew up in. Not just the process by which he picked things up, but also because… similarly, the most important people in Root's life were girls. Not only his mother, but his sister as well. Then again, he didn't really have friends, and he never really fit in, even with the geek people because he could never find anyone to match his intelligence. Though, it was all just his family, and his mother always insisted that he do what he wanted, what felt most comfortable, and that was what he wore. Plus, he always thought the lab coat was cool. And still did. There was no denying the lab coat was cool. "You had to become anybody? Why didn't you just be you?" It was exactly the sort of question Root had to ask because his mom was watching the situation right now, and he couldn't let her down.
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Post by Willow Fey on Jan 27, 2016 21:25:58 GMT -5
"Too bad. I've never kissed a scientist before. A rebel, a punk, a reporter, even a teacher but never a scientist. I could cross that off my bucket list. Heh. Heh. And in here my lifespan could be...an awful lot shorter." Willow said with a strained smile.
"You take work too seriously. I mean...I get it. What you do is important. I think what I do is important to. You may think it's bullshit but... sometimes with my tricks I get people to see things from new perspectives. Change. Grow. Other times people just laugh and get some kind of enjoyment out of it. And that's fine too. That helps people. But even so...if you don't take time for yourself, expand your own horizons, you get stuck. " Willow said.
"Not saying you need groupies but....maybe try looking outside the lab a bit. Do things you never thought you would do, just to do them. Step inside someone else's shoes." He said and looked around the movie theatre. There was a reason why he was here, it was on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn't remember. It was very frustrating.
"Yeah, I think so. I may be biased though. I love jackets, both on myself and others. Kinda got a thing for em. But I think they would make you look good. A guy with perma-stubble like you goes well with jackets. It fits." Willow said.
Then there was the question. The big one. "Why not just be you?" As if being himself was enough. As if it ever could be. Like being one version of you could ever be anything other than the wrong choice.
"Look. I understand, "being yourself" is the popular feel good message right. It's true, you shouldn't lie or deny yourself things just because of others opinions or any of the other shit that gets in your way. However, if I were to just "act naturally", I would never have gotten anywhere. I have to wear masks to succeed at running tricks, relating to people, earning their trust. People say that they don't judge others, but it is a lie. As humans there's a certain amount of prejudice that you can't get over. So I act in whatever way I think will earn their trust and work my way in. If they discover other sides to me later, it won't matter as much to them, as long as you didn't lie. Everybody does this, I am just conscious of it and better at it than most." It actually physically hurt Willow to be so coherent at this moment. Thankfully he had used this monologue often enough he practically memorised it.
"Besides stepping inside someone else's shoes is how you relate to them. And most of my masks are simply parts of myself I mold into appealing shapes. That's what people do to survive...it's just most people only have one mask that they clumsily paint over in for each social group. I am a bit of a craftsman I guess." Willow finished.
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Post by Alexander Root on Jan 27, 2016 22:28:25 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality He wasn't… was he suggesting… no, it was all in his head. It had to be. Except for the fact, his mom walked up next to him and whispered in his ear: 'Don't be shy, I'm not really here, am I? Go on.' Root blinked and shook his head real fast to clear the fogginess that had quickly invaded a moment ago, looking up at Willow with a smirk on his face. "Well, you'd have to buy me dinner first. I don't just kiss anyone." The look he got from his mother made Root want to roll his eyes, but he forced himself not to, which was surprisingly easy seeing as his body wanted to just stay still.
At first, Root was indifferent towards what Willow was saying, seeing as he heard so many people tell him that before, and usually it was people he didn't really care for, seeing as the two women in his life before this roller coaster ride hadn't ever said it to him (of course, one was dead and couldn't anymore, but that wasn't the point). However, Willow's reasoning was sound, and he'd never really thought of things that way. "You know, I might not seem like it sometimes, but I don't think that everything that isn't science is a waste of time. I think… what you do is important too. What Iocus does, what Adrianna does, what Mariko does, it's all very important in its own way. There's some idiots out there wasting their time on unimportant matters. Such as: what's the point of surviving if you do nothing else with your life?"
Under normal circumstances, Root wouldn't have said that Willow's talent was important, mostly because of the guise he used to be a jerk around most people. But right now, it didn't matter to Root what he said to Willow, and he didn't have the energy to turn it into anything but what he thought. He was more… vulnerable and open because of it. Even if he would look back at this later, if he ever remembered it, seeing as he wasn't writing any of it down right now, and think that he was an idiot.
"It's… easy to say that, go out of the lab, meet new people, but I haven't… ever done that before. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to make friends. It’s a lot easier to stick to the lab and what I know best, than to go out and… make a fool of myself, and then… like someone, only to have them hate me even when I try. In truth, I've always wanted to be able to understand people, but my mind just doesn't work that way. Just like… I can't be an actor or an artist because I lack that ability. I lack the ability to relate to people in the same way."
Root sighed and looked away for a moment, off to the direction his mother wasn't in so he wasn't looking at anyone or any hallucination he was having. "But maybe if I dress cooler, she'll actually like me, forgive me for failing her. It’s the only thing I can think of that could work."
He cleared his throat and looked back up at Willow, glancing over to the spot where his mother was, and luckily (or unluckily?) she was still there, watching her son be a fool, he told himself. He needed to straighten up his act, he said it in his mind, but all they were, were words with no effect on his mind.
"Ha. You're probably doing it right now with me, but don't worry, you're doing really good. I didn't even notice. You're a master craftsman. And you're one of the firsts to really teach me anything, even if I can't do much with the information. I'm just too… rigid to do anything like that. If I had any social groups, of course."
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Post by Willow Fey on Jan 27, 2016 23:59:36 GMT -5
"Dinner huh. Thought you would be more of the dominant type. Don't worry, I shall treat you like a proper gentleman." Willow said, and gave a slightly awkward, staggering bow.
"Thank you for that. Most people...most people don't appreciate what I do. They accuse me of being in it to hurt people, or that it is pointless, or that I only do it for my own amusement. Those aren't my intentions at all, and it is so frustrating to be misunderstood." Willow gazed around the theatre. Why was he their? He should be looking after Adrianna or Saoirse or Alexia. Making sure those three are safe and don't do anything rash.
Yet here he is at a theatre talking to a scientist. Accomplishing nothing.
But he was wasn't he? These strings of moments were in and of themselves special. Maybe talking to Root, right here and now was exactly where he was supposed to be.
"Root, I am afraid I wasn't clear. You don't have to be like me. Always trying to see inside others minds. I doubt you would be very good at it or happy doing it. Just, don't let yourself rot. Take babysteps. Do something that you never thought you would be able to do everyday. My ex-Riley absolutely terrified me when I first met her. Like, I actually felt in mortal danger just talking to her. Once I realized how she saw the world, it was simple to befriend her. A whirlwind relationship later she is one of the closest people to my heart. Point is it required courage on my part." Willow said.
"Of course not everyone lives like me or has the same values. Nor should they. I just think it is something for you to consider." He continued. Willow felt very dizzy like he had for...who knows how long. It seemed to be getting worse though. And he was starting to get a headache.
"I don't know about your circumstances Root. Honestly I have no idea how to get into that head of yours. If I am influencing you, it is simply using the time honored trick of being kind to everyone you meet. Sometimes people need pleasent lies, and sometimes they need unpleasant truths. I don't know who you think you are failing Root, but I don't think you are failing them at all. There, a pleasant truth free of charge. Accept it gracefully, you don't get one everyday." Willow said.
Then a cold chill ran down his spine. A theatre? That was where...it all began wasn't it? His mother met his father in a theatre and....the circumstances of his life begin to take shape. A thetre was even where....
No. Not now. Remembering that now won't do any good. Think. Focus. Be clear. Talk to Root. He is smart. Talking to him is useful. Don't freak out.
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Post by Alexander Root on Jan 28, 2016 22:30:59 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality Root wasn't sure if this was just a joke or if Willow thought he was being serious. However, right now he couldn't help but continue the joke, even if he didn't want to lead anyone on. He didn't really know how else to react. "Well, like you said, I need to try new things, don't I? Maybe it'd be fun being submissive for once." Oh god. Don't look at him at him like that, Mrs. Root. He was already embarrassed enough to have her there, but to have her look at him like Willow as his boyfriend was even worse. It wasn't like that. He was just joking with Willow right now. But she didn't seem to understand that even if she was just a figment of his imagination. He'd really have to have a talk with her about this later.
"Do you want me to leave? I can if you want, if I'm –"
"No. Please don’t'." It was an immediate answer, and he quickly turned to look at the illusion with an almost hurt look on his face. He never wanted her to leave him again, especially since once this was all over and he could sleep again, he knew that she would be gone. It was odd to be aware that it wasn't possible for her to be there, but also believe that she was truly there, while understanding others couldn't see her and she was all in his head, but that was how it was for Root right now.
"Sorry, I was – uh – talking to myself," Root lied rubbing the back of his neck while his mom placed an arm around him, trying to comfort him. She didn't seem to mind that he was not telling Willow about her presence. And that was a weight lifted off his shoulders so he didn't have to deal with that mess later. "I-I was telling myself to not uh…" What was a good excuse? What were they just talking about? Oh right. "Kiss you right now. Because you are so, uh, irresistible?" He could feel the expression his mom was making right now without even looking at her and he didn't like it. She was taking all of this the wrong way. Even if he could phrase everything a lot better if he had more sleep. That was the tradeoff, look better in front of mom and her not actually see it because he wouldn't be hallucinating, or be sleep deprived and be a fool around his mom.
"You see, my mom always taught me to appreciate the arts in life, even though someone is different, they are still important, and doesn't make what they are good at any less important." At least his mom was now smiling at him for a reason that he was quoting her, and not because she thought that he had a boyfriend. "It's easy to misunderstand one's intentions. Many think I study science for the glory, and though I do not want to be forgotten, that's not the case. You and I… I believe, at least, this is more your area of expertise, thirst for knowledge, though we learn in different ways and about different things." Wait, did he phrase that right? It didn't sound right in his head as he repeated it, but he decided to shrug it off and blame it on the lack of sleep.
"I-I can try at least. I mean, everyone around me is usually too stupid to understand or… annoying. There aren't many people I can get along with, that I want to get along with anyways. And I'm not exactly the bravest guy out there. I'm… I'm a coward." Root was surprised in this whole encounter, both how Willow treated him, and how he was acting. Normally he'd not even let any of these things out, keeping them all in, but it was hard to hold anything back at this point. He just needed sleep and then he could work on that whole keeping it in part again.
"You're right, you don't know. I told her that she could share my confidence, that I could be confident for both of us. But… Just look at me, I'm not confident at all." Root's mom held onto him close, and stood up on her tip toes, and Root lowered himself a bit so she could kiss the top of his head. Finally she let him go and walked up to Willow, looking at him close.
"He really is handsome. You chose a very nice young man," his mom stated and Root had to force himself not to roll his eyes. "There's something bothering him too, Alex. He said he didn't remember why he was here, right? Maybe you could help him remember what it was, help him out, as he is helping you?" Root hmph'd and crossed his arms. He looked to the side as he debated doing what his mom said. Maybe… soon, or something. He wasn't sure, because right now he wasn't worried about it all too much. Maybe if he mom insisted.
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Post by Willow Fey on Jan 29, 2016 11:46:17 GMT -5
"Yes, it certainly doesn't hurt to try new things." Willow said, his flirtatious grin was weak right about now but what more could be expected.
Willow could tell the scientist was lying about why he was talking to himself. Lack of sleep was likely to lead to all sorts of powerful hallucinations, particularly in a situation as stressful as this.. For the moment Willow was plagued only by flashbacks. That was problematic in and of itself. Thinking about his memories and loved ones was not going to help him survive here or get everyone out. Of course he could be having flashbacks himself or just weird. The trickster was too tired to work it out one way or another.
"You hardly have to contain yourself, sweetie. You would not be the first straight guy for whom I am an exception. Sexuality is more complicated then one would think." Willow said.
"Correct once again Root. We do share a mutual desire for knowledge. Mine for people and stories and the indefinable, and yours for the universe. I am very glad you can accept someone's differences. Judgemental people are just the worst. That's why I strive to open people up to new perspectives. It's a delicate game though. If I am not careful I can hit people where they are sensitive, which is undesirable both because it hurts them and is generally unproductive. Or I can push too hard and I can accomplish the exact opposite effect. This is particularly hard to gauge on the Internet, which is why until I understand a community or user I tend to focus on tricks made entirely to entertain." Willow said.
"Of course...I am sure you are not interested in any of this. Please excuse me, I am sure that was about as interesting to you as you blabbing on about math would be to me. " He bowed his head conveying regret. Willow's mother taught him that much, you don't go on about things that aren't interesting to others. That's how people begin to dislike you.
"That is an unproductive attitude Root. If people seem to stupid, that is because you are exceptionally smart and talented. If people seem annoying, it is because you are sensitive or insecure. We are what we tell ourselves we are Root. If you believe yourself to be a coward...a coward is what you'll become. It's ok for you to be cowardly Root, some of the people I love most are cowards. You just have to try and slowly confront your fears. " Willow said, a sad smile on his lips.
A genius with a lack of confidence. Sounded familiar. The story of every genius really. Even Root, with his high walls of arrogance and indifference. Even Willow with his custom fit masks, crafted so carefully for every occasion.
"Who among us is?" Willow said in a small, vulnerable voice.
The trickster remembered home. His mother would return home tired at the end of the day and tell beautiful stories. They were complex, and dark and utterly real. The truth regardless of how many facts they contained. She didn't keep him or his sister sheltered from the beauty or horror of the world. She let it all flow into them, giving them loving words and nurturing the best in them.
Her stories about father always ended on a sad note, even if it was just bittersweet nostalgia. Then one night she showed them both something special....it was a tape. Willow and Rose-
No! Not now. Concentrate. You can't think of home. Can't let it wash over you and lull you to sleep. Needed to live. What would Rose say? "Don't you die on me Motherfucker. You still owe me." Yeah something like that. This conversation is interesting, focus on that.
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Post by Alexander Root on Feb 2, 2016 0:07:51 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality Root didn't actually know how to react to this. It was obvious he was… flirting with him, but he wasn't sure if Willow was joking or not. He was… mostly joking, of course, seeing as his heart had been set on one person in particular who was with them in this park. Even if his more scientific side of his mind wanted to experiment and see what happened. Or that could be the insane part of his mind fueled by the lack of sleep. Or a combination of the two.
"You're quite confident, I see, when it comes to your ability to charm," Root replied, the smirk not washing off of his face, as if challenging Willow, "I wonder what it is about you that so many find attractive. Perhaps the feminine masculinity you exude to attract those of all genders. It'd be interesting to study you in better detail. Experience might be necessary." What was he saying? Ah well, he couldn't take it back. Better not dwell on it. Maybe there was a little part inside of him that did was to try… something new out, but really, at least in the conscious sleep deprived mind of Alexander Root he was just joking, but didn't know why he just kept the joke going… and he knew it wasn't to be cruel and get Willow's hopes up.
"Don't worry Willow," Root answered when Willow asked for him to excuse him for talking about what he did, "I'm fascinated by what you do. I'm fascinated by many things you probably would never guess. Any time you would like to talk about what you do, about people, I would be grateful to learn, because on my own there is no way I could ever learn about people as well as you; it's just not how my mind works." Root finally realized the notebook in his hand and how he had not been writing notes. Seeing as he was tired and his memory wasn't great, he was probably going to forget this conversation if he didn't write anything down. So, he slowly raised up the notebook and took out a pencil from his jacket flipping to a random empty page and began to write as he spoke.
"I can't afford to make a mistake, not in my line of work. One day I leave my work, the more likely I'll…" Forget something important and – "Cause an accident. That's why… I'm… I'm afraid to stop working, because I might hurt someone I care about. But I can't do nothing or I lose my purpose. Even worse, if someone gets close to me, they'll find out about the things I've tried to keep secret, and then they'll hate me for it.," Root looked away while he was talking, not wanting to look Willow in the eyes. He hadn't admitted any of this stuff to anyone before, and right now he was only admitting it because he was tired. This was the sort of heart-to-heart he was afraid of. Because next Willow might say something like 'whatever they are, you'll find someone to accept you as you are no matter what secrets you have' and then to prove his point his tired mind would argue back with the secrets that he wanted no one to know, or at least a couple of them to get Willow properly against him and understand how terrible of a person he really was, and he knew he could never escape from being.
Root took in a deep breath when Willow asked who was among them. Root's eyes immediately when to his mother who was now standing next to Willow. She nodded at him to tell him it was okay to tell Willow about her, but Root wasn't quite sure about that. "Just you and me…" Root began. However, it occurred to him that Willow wasn't stupid, and would probably realize, especially from the movement where he had allowed his mother to kiss the top of his head, indicated that he was seeing someone. It wouldn't do well to lie to someone who had been kind to him, and quite intelligent in all of it at that. "And my mother. I know she's not real, she died a while back… but… she's real enough to me at least."
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Post by Willow Fey on Feb 2, 2016 20:21:54 GMT -5
"I am always open to study. A hands on approach is best for these matters. As someone who is a bit more...experienced in such things, that is my advice." Willow said. The trickster had no idea where this would go. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. However in his exhausted state he didn't really have the willpower to resist.
"Studying people is a difficult prospect. The act of observing them changes their behavior. You must gain their trust or observe them while they think they are in a private setting to truly get an insight. Even then your research is incomplete. People act differently from setting to setting and from interaction to interaction. The trick is that there is no, "true nature" of people. People's masks are all made from parts of themselves. In truth even their reaction to being observed sheds light on who that person is. That's "Trickster 101" in my opinion. Or at least the first day." Willow said.
"Let me guess. You made a few mistakes. Mistakes that hurt people. People annoy you and you are afraid to hurt or be hurt by them so you build up walls of arrogance and sarcasm. You think that if you forgive yourself, you will forget your mistakes and make them again. Deep down though, you don't even think you are worth forgiving and that repeating your mistakes is only a matter of time. You focus on your work as a scientist because it is the only way you feel useful. The universe is the big picture and you can use your knowledge and understanding of it to help your fellow insects. Science is your love and your life and your refuge and your penance. " Willow said, he was looking the scientist in the eyes now. Trying to communicate to him that he understood.
"The only people who don't make mistakes are corpses. The only people who don't hurt the ones they love don't have anybody to love. Mariko cares about you. Judging by how your acting, your Mother cared about you too. Hell, even I care about you. Maybe you should consider the possibility that there is a reason for that. " Willow finished. If that didn't help Root, he didn't know what would.
Monologue finished he let his eyes drift from Root and move across the theatre. It was quiet. Dead quiet. Like the autumn night Victor and him played for the last time. Willow had to believe in forgiveness. He had no choice.
Shades from the past were gathering all around him. The trickster closed his eyes just briefly to mutter a silent prayer. He was hovering on the edge, being in such a frame of mind would work wonders for certain rituals, particularly regarding the Otherworld, however such things would be far better to perform in a place where the price for falling too deeply into a meditative trance or certain ecstatic states wouldn't be his life. Shame that. He would have to remember that for when-if-he got out.
"Just because she' s in your head doesn't mean she isn't real....wait that's paraphrasing Harry Potter, I meant to say something of profound spiritual and emotional significance and in the end...just Harry Potter. Don't get me wrong it's a fantastic series and all but it doesn't have quite the solemn weight I was going for. Whatever, please come back to me after we have gotten some sleep and I will do it right. Talking metaphysics is hard enough on a good night of sleep." Willow said. His vision was blurring a bit. Which was concerning. He could still hold out for quite some time. This conversation was helping.
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Post by Alexander Root on Feb 3, 2016 19:26:48 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality Root wasn't sure why he was considering this whole thing. Of course, he had dreamt about kissing Mariko, but he hadn't kissed anyone before. It was conceivable if he wanted to be good at the whole kissing art, he'd need practice and here was a guy ready to be kissed, ready to be practiced on, even if he didn't really… think of Willow in a romantic sense. Regardless the illogical state of his mind right now made him curious. And of course, if Mariko had ever kissed anyone before, he would be behind, and that'd be awkward and he'd have to be better than whoever she had kissed before and –
You know what? Fuck this. Without a word, Root placed a hand on Willow's shoulder, leaned in and kissed him. Not on the cheek or the forehead, on the lips. Where the confidence or courage came from, Root wasn't sure, but here he was, pressing his lips against Willow's for just a second. But that second seemed to stretch on for a long time, as his perception of time slowed. Finally, after that second was over, Root pulled away and stared at Willow as if he was a deer caught in headlights. Well, there went his first kiss to a dude. Maybe his mom was right in some respects. After all, the kiss wasn't unpleasant, and well it left Root a little bit speechless. Wait, no he could speak. "Interesting. Normally in science one repeats trials in experiments… though I did gather a fair amount of data in the first run." Wait, what was he saying? Maybe he should just be speechless. And he needed to ignore the face his mom was making right now at him, because while he couldn't see it, he could feel her expression on him.
Considering how Willow explained figuring out a person, Root was actually fairly surprised how much it was like studying science. " I believe that I understand what you mean. Much like when one studies the universe, one can find laws that govern the microscopic and laws that govern the macroscopic, but one has to fit the pieces together so they work together. You can study a particle that makes up a whole, and it tells a little bit about the whole structure. You study the solar system to try to understand how other solar systems work, how the galaxy works, how the universe works. Essentially, you apply the same practice but on a person, you observe how one reacts to different situations and piece together your answer on a person from that data you collect."
Root was going to respond, but he opened his mouth and closed it fairly quickly. He was going to argue that Willow was wrong, that it wasn't like that. But… that would all be a lie and right now his mind was unable to fabricate a good enough lie. Root leaned against one of the seats of the theater, his bandaged right hand supporting him while his non-bandaged, but bruised left tucked his notebook and pencil into a slot in his lab coat he'd built into it just for it. "I'm not worth it, you know. I hurt my own mother. I'll end up hurting Mariko too. I'm sure my feelings have not gone unnoticed. And I am rude and cold to those I meet. If anyone were to want to hurt me, they'd hurt her first. If she dies, it'll be my fault because she'll die to hurt me. In the end, if you care about me, you'll get hurt too. Everyone around me gets hurt. I can't stop it." The pain in his chest was a reminder of the weight that he carried, from his sister and his mother, and how he couldn't give up, he had to keep going for them. And he had to correct his mistakes.
Root laughed when Willow mentioned Harry Potter. Growing up the son of an author, he read a lot of books. Growing up the life he did, one wouldn't think he'd grow into a scientist. In fact, he'd always wanted to be an actor, but he was never good enough to really do much in that line of work. "Harry Potter does have a few profound lines, and it has its own weakness, but I think… I know what you mean." Root looked at the hallucination of his mom and smiled. "It's nice seeing her. Especially in a time like this. She gives me hope for a future. She was always like that. She always… told me that while I was different, I was always special and that I needed to do what made me happy, whatever I was best at."
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Post by Willow Fey on Feb 4, 2016 17:58:01 GMT -5
A kiss from Root. It was just a peck on the lips but something like that could keep Willow going for a bit. It had been a while since he kissed a guy, honestly considering they had been here for several weeks, it had been a lot longer then he was comfortable with since he had kissed anyone.
Riley's kisses had been nice. Pleasant memories, amidst all this madness. But in the end even she couldn't put up with him.
"Whenever you want a kiss you can have one Root. Maybe we could even cover...more advanced material." Willow said. This was what he did well. Flirting. Playing the game. Anything real was...unlikely to succeed.
It wasn't like he didn't want something real...it was just that his desires were unlikely to match up with his lovers expectations. Adrianna might be understanding but...how likely would it be that she was even interested in him in that way?
Here he was fretting over her like a teenage girl, or like Root. Maybe they weren't so different.
"You've got the general picture. Of course you have to learn insight...which is a difficult skill to teach. I was lucky enough to be born with it. It makes it easier for me to understand people. Even still some people evade my understanding entirely...Taro for instance. Just what exactly is that guy's game?" Willow continued.
Here Root was flagellating himself again. Over what? What could he have done that really was so terrible. Willow had hurt people a hundred, thousand times just by being over-enthusiastic or misjudging a person's limits. He had pushed Riley away and drove a wedge in his family. All because of his selfishness. The trickster still thought he was worthy of forgiveness...on a good day at least.
"You let me be the judge of what is worth it. Of course you hurt your mother. Everyone does. You will hurt me and Mariko and we will hurt you back. Hedgehogs dilemma Root. Intimacy hurts. But if you spend your life pushing people away...that's just as painful. " Willow said. What he was doing wasn't helping anybody. Not himself nor the people around him.
"My mother...said something similar. When I was a child...I was weak. I didn't know...how to be without...consequences. She taught me. She helped me figure out how to be...whole. " Willow said. This was an uncomfortable topic but...the words just flowed.
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Post by Alexander Root on Feb 4, 2016 23:03:07 GMT -5
[googlefont="Berkshire Swash"] Science is the Poetry of Reality Root smiled when Willow made his offer, but not one of those happy sort of smiles, but more of a small, happy, but sad sort of smile. After all, this was going to take a lot of talking with his mom to convince her that they weren't dating, and the next steps could either make it a lot harder or a lot easier to convince her of it. And well, Root felt like he should at least make his intentions clear beyond the little game that their tired minds were playing with each other, even though he was not expecting this sort of mind game when he and Willow interacted.
"Ah, well, unfortunately, the more advance material, I hope to save and study with someone... in particular. You do… understand, yes? Though I do thank you for the offer, the kiss was… nice," Root shrugged, "The mystery of the universe has yet to be unraveled. The art of… physical attachment and love must wait until then, or… unless that person wants that was well… from me, though the likely-hood of that versus discovering everything there is to know about the universe, is slim."
Okay, while Root didn't like when people referred to luck, it wasn't like he would call everyone out for it. Just to clarify why he wasn't going to call Willow out and have another full-blown discussion about luck and how he didn't really believe in it the same way most people did. He didn’t normally pick that fight, but Taro was special. "I have no idea. I had a talk recently with him." Root pulled out his notebook again and opened it to where he wrote notes on Taro from their conversation. Just seeing the words made it easier for him to remember the encounter. Not to mention it was one of those conversations that tended to stick in his mind for at least a week or so, though the notes brought the memory to his forefront with not as much fog over it. "He makes no sense. First he went and explained why he acted like an idiot. Or at least claims he was acting. Then insulted my family." Root indicated his hands with a laugh. Of course his left was still able to write though it was still recovering, but his right was bandaged up still. "I lost my temper. Anyways, I think that he thinks he's smart, but he doesn't take into account all of the factors."
Root's problem was that for years he'd been hating himself, and it wasn't any good that he got stuck here in Monoworld and of course he had to find someone he cared about, and people were dying left and right, and he wasn't doing a good job at protecting her. And even now he was avoiding her because he felt he failed her, but… he was going to talk to her after he had some sleep. Maybe… explain why he had avoided her, or just skim over that and see if he could just… be around her despite his jerk-ish actions.
"You know, he's right. You and Wendy fought a lot before when you were young. You probably remember the fun times, but… there was one time you had come home, and some kids beat you up because you were trying to protect Wendy from some bullies. She was crying too; Dad helped her while I helped you."
Of course, he'd rather help out Wendy than him, given how he hated h-
"Don't even try to say that. Dad loved, and still loves, you, Alex. Now stop thinking and listen. She felt so bad because she had got you hurt. Don’t!"
She knew he was going to argue that he did that for her and how it wasn't the same.
"What about the time Dad was in the hospital? Do you remember crying because you thought he was going to die? What about the time you and I had that argument and you ran off into the rain and cried around the corner under a tree? Dad went and found you. He didn't talk. He just sat next to you in the rain, one arm around you. Do you remember that? The fight we had. That wasn't long before… Do you remember how much we hurt you, but you stuck around because you cared enough about us that the pain was worth it?"
Root took a deep breath and turned away from Willow and his mom.
"What would you be if you just pushed all of us away? You wouldn't be hurt by us, you wouldn't care about that argument, you wouldn't have been beaten up by those kids at school, you have ever been so scared you cried about losing your Dad."
"I-I suppose you're right. I guess that… I've been so used to being alone… it's just easier that way. That pain is… easier to deal with." He felt his mom's hand against his back as she came around to his side, passing into the theater chairs to look him in the eye.
"You don't get to judge if you're worth it. They do. And if they love you, any pain you bring them, is worth the love. Because you're a fantastic young man. You don't have to understand why they care for you, you just have to accept it, and let them in."
No, no tears. The sleep was making him slightly emotional. Even on day two when he met up with Taro, his emotions were getting out of control, when he normally could control them. Root smiled and nodded, turning back towards Willow. Of course, it would be a long road to truly understand the lesson, and it wouldn't be an immediate effect, but… he was going to… at least try. "I might not understand why you could care for a jerk like me, but… thank you… for everything. Ha. Hopefully I'll remember this after we get some sleep." Not that Willow knew of his memory problems, but it didn't matter. It would probably be taken as one of those statements that people said or something. He wasn't sure, he was tired and frankly didn't care at this point.
"Your mother seems like a wonderful person. It's amazing… how great mothers can be. They raised us to be… well your mother raised you to be a fine man. I'm sure she's proud of you." Just as Root hoped his mother truly thought, and not just this hallucination (which felt so real it was almost good enough), when it came to him.
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