(Student)
Posts: 122
Likes: 0
Talent: Knight
|
Post by Liam Dayton on Sept 9, 2017 21:05:00 GMT -5
Here I thought the first trial was bad. Seeing Koneko get torn away from the one she cared about... that was supposed to be as bad as it gets. But that last trial revealed a serial killer, one we have to live with. She showed no remorse for killing Kris. Those kinds of people shouldn't deserve life.
Is it wrong for me to say something like that? I mean, she killed a person, but are there truly people that don't deserve life? She tried to apologize after we finished the horrible trial. Does that mean she really does feel bad?
No, of course not. She killed someone I cared about while trying to kill someone else. That apology was an act just to get us to lower our guard. As much as I hate to talk about my fellow survivors like this, they were idiots to try and help her. She doesn't care in the slightest for human life, or life in general. She's no better than the Remnants of Despair!
And yet, she survived. She killed one person here, and thirty-eight others before this, not to mention the fact the fact that she attempted to murder Nana too. She's admitted to being a serial killer, so why did the cat interfere?
I need to try and let this go before I do something stupid. I know I'm just angry because Kris died. I think I have every right to be angry. But if I go on like this, I'm going to end up killing her, or myself, and the latter is a lot more likely. I just... I miss them both so much.
"Kris, Ben... if y-you can hear me, just know I'm s-sorry I couldn't save you guys. I let you both down in times I could h-have saved you."
|
|
(Student)
Posts: 96
Likes: 0
Talent: Princess Knight
|
Post by Orica Eisenhardt on Sept 10, 2017 1:27:00 GMT -5
The trial was done and it was actually effecting Orica in some way, although given how much time she spend training it would be hard to tell she was doing more of it. After all, she had to keep up her strength and if gods were real then it made sense that if she should be able to kill one if not become one. Granted the world might not be ready for a God-Empress Orica ruling humanity with an iron fist, even if the world wasn't almost entirely destroyed.
Returning to the Cabana to rest, a downside of her perhaps now only temporary mortal body, she spotted Liam. Once again the “Other Knight” was having a tough time of the trial. Orica wasn't one to brag, as that kind of pride and self satisfaction was weakness, but still. She told him so. Walking over to the distressed boy she said probably not what he wanted to hear but it was what she would say. “I told you it would break you.” She said, glaring at him. Or just looking at him. It was hard to tell with her. “Tell me. How much do you want to kill that perfume girl? You can feel the rage bubbling up inside of you over her revealing to you the very weakness I warned you about. That rage in and of itself is an even greater weakness.”
|
|
(Student)
Posts: 122
Likes: 0
Talent: Knight
|
Post by Liam Dayton on Sept 10, 2017 5:23:16 GMT -5
"Yeah. It broke me. What do you expect me to do about it? I have to live with the fact that I let my friend die a preventable death again. Why do you keep coming to me about this? I think it's been made clear that things aren't going to change."
No matter what, things aren't going to change. They'll never change. Any time I'll ever get close to someone again, they'll be viciously ripped away from me again. What would she know about going through that time and time again?
"K-Kill? I wouldn't ever wish to do something l-like that to anyone!"
She has a point, Liam. In fact, you already have killed someone. You took their life in the heat of the moment. You've done it before and you'll do it again. Given the opportunity right then, you would have killed Valentina. I would have killed her of my own volition. As much as I hate to admit it, Orica is right. I'm weak. I'm weak, that's why they're dead, and I was almost, no, I am a killer.
"...Did you just come here to call me weak? I already knew that. If I was strong, I wouldn't be the way I am. I wouldn't have let those people die. I wouldn't have killed. If I was stronger, I would be a much better person than I am now."
Why do I have to be who I am? Why do I have to be the pathetic Liam Dayton, the "other knight" and terrible person? It's about time I went and found that bottle of pills. Who knows? Maybe my death will fix something.
|
|
(Student)
Posts: 96
Likes: 0
Talent: Princess Knight
|
Post by Orica Eisenhardt on Sept 10, 2017 10:21:57 GMT -5
"I tell you that you are weak because as long as you are, as long as you have not recovered from the source of the weakness that caused that outburst that derailed the first trial, you are a threat to myself and the others. In your quest to protect you have blinded yourself that obsession's chance at doing more damage than you want. I do this not out of kindness. I do this not out of spite. I do this out of survival. "
Orica was nothing if not honest. Lying was a weakness and it would have been a disservice to Liam to not be brutally so. "Your weaknesses here are your obsession on the past and your belief that you cannot change." The Princess took a deep breath. "If you truly wish to protect then act like it. Stop wallowing in your own pity and dancing with the bear's despair. See Kris's death not as a failure of you to protect him but as him displaying the very ideal you strive for. He died trying to save someone. That's what you want, isn't it? You want to be the shield that dies in the place of those you swear to protect because at least then you won't have to feel bad about failing to protect them."
Orica shook her head. "If you truly want to protect others, as susceptible to the daggers of others as that makes you, then you need to readdress your mindset from the ground up. Be vigilante. Check everything that can be used to kill someone and make sure it is not used for that. If you fail do not get hung up on the past that you failed to prevent. You don't become strong by being born strong. You become strong by deciding to be strong. By facing the uncomfortable parts about your life and yourself, looking them in the eye and telling them that they hold no power over you. First, strengthen yourself so that you will be a better shield to others, then you can protect them. If you don't then you doom yourself to this fate again and again, and your weakness risks swaying the others into a position where they could be punished for your own weakness."
|
|
(Student)
Posts: 122
Likes: 0
Talent: Knight
|
Post by Liam Dayton on Sept 10, 2017 19:27:34 GMT -5
"Threat? You guys have seen m-my outbursts. Anything I've done was dealt with easily. I'm no threat to anyone but myself. Besides, it's not like I can just get over my troubles at the drop of a hat. If I had the option to just forget w-what I've lived through, I would, no hesitation."
The option to forget everything that's brought me to this point... if only. I'd give up the things that make me, well, me so quick. The Liam everyone would get in exchange would be so much better. A Liam that believes in himself, and follows through on his promises. A Liam truly deserving of the title Aspiring Ultimate Knight.
"Change isn't as easy as you make it sound. I've tried to change before. It j-just led me back to where I am now. Every time I've tried to change my outlook on the world or how to get over things I've been through, I just find myself back in the same position as before. A cowardly, stuttering m-mess of someone who barely deserves to be called a person."
Does she even get it? I've tried everything! It's just for some stupid reason, I can't stop my thoughts from going back to self-deprecation. They always go to "You're useless, Liam", or "This is why you're a let-down Liam."
"I've tried to get away from the despair, but it's not that easy. The reason it's survived s-so long is because it latches onto each of its victims. It's a cowardly tactic used only by the worst kinds of people. The bear can play around with me using that tactic because despair ended up latching onto me awhile ago."
I didn't have to come out the way I did though. Nero had a terrible experience too, but he didn't let himself become a mess of emotions. He stayed a good person, despite what he went through. Maybe I just used my trauma as an excuse to slack off on my responsibility in protecting others.
"How do I tell my past it has no power over me, when it very clearly d-does? Lying to myself only gets me so far. Eventually I have to acknowledge that there's nothing I can do to stop it."
I lied to myself with Kris, and look how that turned out. He died doing more than I ever will. Now it's too late for me to ever say anything. I wasted every opportunity I had, all because I didn't want to admit the truth. That's true weakness.
|
|
(Student)
Posts: 96
Likes: 0
Talent: Princess Knight
|
Post by Orica Eisenhardt on Sept 15, 2017 11:22:10 GMT -5
"You seem to misunderstand my words. Let me clarify. To tell your past that it has no power over you is not to ignore it. To try to repress it is weakness. Avoiding the things that have made you who you are today will only cause them to haunt you as is clearly happening to you. No. You confront it by accepting everything. Confronting it and beating it. Your past is shackling you to this notion that you are a coward and until you fight against it then you are. To be strong is to find the weakness in yourself and remove it. If you think you can't do that, then at least prepare yourself to die letting down all those you've failed to protect by making it so that their deaths were truly meaningless. That you let your failure, your weakness, make you a worse and worse shield for others only adding to the body count that lays behind you. Despair can and as you say has latched on to that, so don't let it. Accept your past, the good and the bad, but don't be controlled by it." Orica glared at him. This was really the best way she had to give advice. Maybe if her own ideals were so... strange to others she would actually be a good leader to more than just the like-minded.
|
|
