The Damper (Nero Liam FTE)

The porch.  It's a nice place to relax.  It's quiet, and almost lets you forget how much danger you're in.  I was hoping to be able to flip through memories of past times, but I guess that would've also brought all the sad feelings that came with them again.  I still miss him.  Someone must have had a similar idea, because I wasn't alone in here.  Looking at the sky was one Nero Fiammes.

"Oh, hey Nero.  Guess you wanted to come here for a break too, huh?  So, what d-did you want to ask me?"

I guess this is probably the moment where we find out whether or not he's on my side.  Wouldn't blame him for going against me, though.  Not a lot of positives for being on team Liam right now.  

I wonder what he's going to bring up?  I haven't really given any answers as to why I've acted the way I have recently, whether it's my outburst at him and Valentina, or trying to volunteer for the collars, or trying to defend Kris during the trial, even though he wasn't even the blackened.  I never even really considered how I must look to other people.  They must think I'm insane.  What kind of teen calls himself a knight, and then proceeds to threaten two innocent people, and pretends to be a murderer?  Do I really still qualify as the Ultimate Knight at this point?  He's probably ashamed of me, and I don't blame him.

"A brownie?  Sorry, but no thank you.  I'm really just... not in the mood for eating for right now."

Where did he even pull that from?  A whole sheet of brownies.  I realize he's the Ultimate Baker, but does he really have food ready for others at all times?  This place just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

"Y-Yeah, it's been a tough week for everyone, but I didn't have it as bad as the others.  You and Valentina got collared, two people d-died, and Kris almost joined them.  Compared to everyone else, I've had it easy."

Why do I think I have the right to feel the way I do about any of this?  Anything that's happened to me, I could have prevented.  I'm the one who caused all this pain to myself.  So why do I still feel so horrible?

"S-Sorry!  I cut you off!  You had a request in mind?"

Slightly greedy?  He's not going to ask me to steal something or anything like that, right?  I've never really seen Nero as the greedy type, though I never really got to talk to him.  So what could he ask of me?

"Bodyguard?  Not to sound offended or anything, but isn't there anybody else you could ask?  I haven't really done the best job of p-protecting everyone.  There's gotta be someone else who would be much better at it, right?"

Alright, I wasn't expecting that.  It's not like I don't want to help him.  In fact, being his bodyguard would finally let me fulfill my promise to protect everyone.  It's just that I feel like doing so would somehow cause him harm, and I don't want that. 

"If you're really that sure about me, I guess I'll do it.

Does he know what he's doing?  I haven't done a lot to protect the innocent like he thinks I have.  The people back home must be so disappointed in me.  I'm not the person they thought I was.

Why ask me why he did what he did at the competition?  It's not like I know.  I don't really know anything about Nero in the first place, so how would I know his motive?  And how do I figure it out in a minute?

"A m-minute to guess?  That's not a lot of time!"

Alright, why would Nero want to volunteer for the collar?  It's not really something everybody does.  In fact, Valentina tried to volunteer someone else for the collar.  So why would he want to?  Does the challenge have something to do with it?  He mentioned doing poorly in the competition, but what does that have to do with volunteering?  Wait, I think I've got it.

"Did you feel like you had to redeem yourself for doing so poorly in the competition?  No th-that I think you did bad in the competition.  But doesn't strapping a bomb onto yourself seem a little drastic?  Couldn't there have been other ways to redeem yourself?"

I'm a hypocrite, aren't I?  Calling him out for trying to redeem himself like that when I tried to do the same thing.  It's times like these where I realize that maybe I have valid reasons to hate myself.  I'm sure I'm wrong anyways.  Why did I even bother guessing anyways?  I don't even want cake.  I'm dealing with too much to eat right now.

"So was I right?  S-Sorry if I assumed anything about you."

"As m-much as I appreciate you going to the lengths you did to keep us safe, you shouldn't have done that.  You're a worthy Ultimate like the rest of us.  Losing you would have hurt us."

There I go again, trying to judge him for doing something to protect the rest of us.  Why do I keep doing that?  Maybe it's because I'm still upset over not being stuck with the collar instead?  No, that's stupid.  Why would I feel like that for avoiding death?  Maybe... it's because of... him?  No, that's even more stupid thought.  Pinning it on him, what is wrong with me?

"So you planned on taking your attacker with you?  I can understand why you would want to defend yourself like that.  You asking me to be your bodyguard suddenly makes a lot more sense.   I've been scared about all of this too, though I guess I haven't hidden it very well, huh?"

I'm such a coward.  I should be the brave, noble paragon of justice, but I can't even get over my own fears.  How do I inspire the others to do better when I can't even manage to keep myself thinking positive?  I'm useless.  

"I know why you'd be afraid of despair.  To tell you the truth, it scares me too.  Leaves me awake in the m-middle of the night, wondering if it'll ever come back for me.  Sometimes I end up waking up in a cold sweat, with memories of times before coming back to me."

Did I say too much?  Probably.  He probably thinks I'm pathetic now.  He's probably going to tell everyone behind my back.  No, I have to have faith in him.  Being paranoid around everyone else is only going to hurt us all in the end.

"Don't worry, I'll keep my lips sealed.  Just make sure you don't tell anyone about the night stuff.  I'd like to keep what little remains of my status as a knight."

Is there really any of it left?  Through all of my acts of cowardice and misguided anger, have I not completely destroyed the title?  They don't see me as the brave knight anymore, they see me as the moron who threatened to kill two innocent people and lied to protect his friend.  Even Nox has some contempt towards me, and I don't blame her.

"So, why were you here in the first place?  I was just here looking for a place to reflect on everything we've encountered so far.  It's been a rough week for all of us."

"Don't worry about it, Ren's d-death hit us all pretty hard.  I wish things didn't end the way they did.  That was our first trial, and it left us shattered.  How do we get through the rest of them?"

Maybe it would have been better if I had died there instead.  I'm just the other knight.  I'm not as important as a doctor.  They could have used Ren more than they could have used me.  

"O-Oh my... that's... that's bad.  That scar is... is pretty bad."

I don't even know what to say.  I have my own reasons for hating the remnants, but at least they never physically tortured me.  To leave someone like him with a wound like that... he doesn't deserve it.  He doesn't deserve that cruel fate.

"The remnants really did that to you?  Those bastards.  They deserve every cruel punishment I can imagine.  There was no reason for them to come after you, but they still did.  If any of them are still around, I swear I will put an end to each and every one of them."

I can't stand the very idea of despair remnants.  The thought of them makes me sick.  Unfortunately, I mean that literally too.  I'm not feeling too good all of a sudden.  Let's just ignore that for now.  Maybe it's time I finally give some explanation as to why I have such a hatred towards despair members?  No, not yet.

"You don't need to thank me for keeping a secret.  It's the right thing to do in this case.  I wouldn't want to put you in a position that leaves you vulnerable."

What kind of person would I be if I just left someone when they needed help?  I know I'm bad at the whole knight thing, but I still know when to help.

"And you shouldn't worry about me leaving you.  I swore to protect everyone here, and everyone includes you."

"Y-You don't need to bake me anything, really!  It's not that I don't like your baking, it's just with everything going on, I'm starting to feel sick, and I don't think sweets would help.  I'm sure you could find somebody else to bake for, though!"

I hope I didn't offend him or anything, I honestly just don't think I can eat sweets without throwing up.  Not even my stress-relief candy.

"I know this sounds kind of hypocritical coming from me, but you shouldn't apologize.  It's not your fault something like that happened to you, and I think getting all of that off of your chest is a good thing.  Leaving all of that inside you would only have hurt you later on.

Where did that come from?  I'm usually never this calm around other people.  It feels... kind of nice.  Something I could definitely get used to.

"Happy tales from being a knight?  Let's see..."

I guess there's been the really uplifting moment here and there.  I think I know some.

"Well, I know it's kind of a cliche, but seeing the children look at me with awe is usually pretty heartwarming.  They've heard of knights in fairy-tales, and seeing one in real life is like a story come true for them.  They even call me 'The Knight of Little Sydney' back home."

I wonder how they're doing now?  I wonder how the outside world is doing?  They have to be okay, right?  Lets just focus on telling more positive stories for now.

"There was also this one person I met a few years back.  We were best friends from the beginning.  I guess he must have been inspired by me, because he wanted to be a knight too, he just didn't have enough courage to act out on it.  I've been missing him ever since we were locked in here, but I know I'll see him again.  What about you?  There's gotta be some happy stories about being the Ultimate Baker, right?"

"It must be nice to have family willing to do things like getting up before dawn just to help you out.  That sister of yours is definitely someone you should cherish."

His sister sounds alright.  I hope Nero realizes how lucky he is to have a person like that in his life.  Friends and family are things too many people take for granted.

"You were up that early making a cake that big for her?  How long did that take you?  I think that's a testament to how much you guys care for each other.."

I think we've all had someone we would end up doing anything for, but just haven't realized it yet.  For a lot of us, it's already too late, so I'm happy he knows who he's close to.

"You know, you seem like a pretty good guy.  I think once we all get out of here, we should get to know each other better."

He is someone I'd like to learn more about on the outside.  Though I guess I want to learn more about everybody, but there's just something about the a few of the people in here that makes me curious.

"W-What do I think of fire?"

Alright, I'll admit it, that question caught me completely off-guard.  To be fair, it's not every day someone asks me something like that.  How am I even supposed to answer that?  

"Well, fire is okay, I guess.  It helps keep things warm.  S-Sorry if I seem a little off, it's just that I'm typically not asked things like this.  It sort of caught me by surprise."